Well in an effort to quell my boredom and to see what is out there to be had, under the suggestion of a friend I made a dating profile. It has been 3 days and I gotta say, It. Is. Awful. out there.
Maybe its the site I am on, maybe its my age group, maybe its the location I am in but holy crap. I was prepared for bad, not apocalyptic desperateness. Now mind you, I have been talking to a gentleman for a few days and he so far, seems normal. His pictures show him as attractive but he seems to not want to share any via text which is a red flag to me. I am not having any expectations but it is nice to talk to someone just for the fun of getting to know someone who also wants to get to know you.
Mainly I get a lot of messages from these men who are almost 50, they look 60 and pose in pics like their 35. A lot of them are holding fish. I don't mind fishing, don't get me wrong, but I'm not 'that' country. Others look like they have been over the road truck drivers for 30 years. Some pictures, I just can't explain. I'm like "what are you looking at?" "Why don't you smile ever?" "Is that supposed to be a sexy pose to entice me?" "Why a picture of you topless? and with a woman?". Photos of the neck down, and it's humpty dumpty himself. Photos of them sitting in a 30 year old plaid recliner watching tv. Skinny white guys who look like they have been too intimate with meth and then there are the playboys of the internet. You can say clearly and boldly you are not into casual and I swear, they still swing at you.
They get mad when you don't respond. They stalk you trying to chat with you ALL THE TIME. They want to talk to you but are the WORST conversationalists.
"Hello"
"hello"
"wanna chat?"
"ok"
"so what's going on?"
"nothing"
"you're cute."
Seriously. What the hell? I had some redneck message me to tell me I shouldn't disqualify men who don't know who Gloria Steinem is because he can guarantee me that 90% of men don't know who she is. Therefore, I am clearly not interested in meeting anyone. I responded that actually a lot of men know who she is and it wasn't like I made a list of demands to be met as qualifiers of who I will only talk to. I just made a reference point of an intelligence level I am seeking out. So he asked his roommate if he knew who she was. "nope. See?" I can only respond "well. Ok then." to which he lol'd and said passively aggressive it was nice chatting with me. This dude is older than me. This is the type of stupid that is out there.
What I want is to be able to meet someone organically. I want them to size me up physically and energy wise and be able to see my eyes. I want to hear their voice, know they have a sense of humor and there is a mutual attraction. I want it to be playful and cute. Exciting and fun. This is more scary and sketchy.
Many years ago, after I first was divorced, I tried the online dating thing and a few stick out like sore thumbs. The dude I met at a coffee shop who while having much to say online and on the phone all of a sudden lost his communication skills in front of me. After about 20 agonizing minutes of trying to give him a chance to converse, I just said "well, uh, I'm gonna go now." and he said "oh, ok." and I just turned and left. Another I met at a bar in the late afternoon where apparently he had been for a bit (because he drinks for free for doing work for the owner) and when I asked if he wanted to meet up to play pool, he asked if he could put his skateboard in my car. Skateboard. 35 year old man. I shrugged and gave him a chance anyway where upon the whole night he talked about himself and made everything a competition. There were a couple that were nice, but there just was no click. Then of course are the ones that send you pictures of their johnson's after talking for a short time. *sigh* No. No self respecting woman wants that.
In real life the trouble is, everyone is afraid. You don't want to hit on someone who may be attached. You don't want to look like an ass to someone who is not into you at all. Some people can't read physical cues at all, mostly men, so this is why women wait half the time for them to make a move. If a woman does, then she just wants the D, right? A lot of men don't even know there is a woman flirting with them. Here we are, painstakingly trying to send out these signs and flashing neon lights of "ASK ME OUT!" and they are blank. They say they want us to make the first move but holy crap. It's difficult for a woman to just be blunt like that. Not because were ladies but because we can't tell if you are into us or not. I can be forward. I can be flirty. I can do the asking, if I know I am getting come-at-me signals but more often than not, I get told I am intimidating. I don't know where the middle ground is. The thing I have to remember is if this is how they are going to act/respond/present themselves, then I really don't likely want any part of them.
I read recently that when you meet your soul mate that it shouldn't be nervous and anxious. It should be smooth and calm, like it was meant to be. Yes. Natural. Organic. Physically present and mentally readable. Energy to be transferred and connections made. Anyone can really put forward anything behind the screen of a computer. A picture can be taken 50 different ways in just as much of a time frame. I want to see if you have a weird stain on your pants or when you talk spit comes out of your mouth. Or if you even spit! EW! Do you smell like old beer or nice? Is your hair taken care of or could I fry tater tots in the grease? Do you have an odd quirky thing you do when you talk, like not look me in the eyes or do you laugh inappropriately?
I dunno. I am thinking I am going to delete this profile because it's really just kinda bringing me down. Like way down. I want a companion and I want a best friend. I want someone to spend time with and miss when he is away. I want to look forward to my phone going off and having a REAL DATE! I want to have those first moments of a touch. Silence. A gaze. I want to feel attractive and be attracted. That moment when you just *know* sex is inevitable and it's mind blowingly passionate and sensual. I just am thinking I don't think what I want is going to be behind the computer screen. I am going to give this one dude a chance I think, but no more. It's almost stressful to be put through the horrors of the single men who want to meet me... I shouldn't be in a rush anyway. I have a lot of patience and finding someone right for me will be worth the wait. Maybe I will just hang a 'Single' sign around my neck....
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