I can't do this.
I go from strong and fighting and reminding myself of who I am and what he has done to me and I feel good.
Then the next morning rolls around and I'm a sobbing emotional mess.
I cannot wrap my fucking head around what he has done. I just can't. I can't understand why someone would say they love you enough to marry you and be your best friend and then turn around and treat you like you are dog shit on their shoe. I don't deserve it and it makes me incredibly mad that this happened. I'm mad and I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on. And the whole time he is stomping on it he is wearing that glare he gives me like I did something completely awful and unforgivable to him.
and the whole time I am having to struggle with trying to find answers and trying to pick up the pieces, I have to watch from the background as he is trying to fall in love with someone else.
All these years and emotions and things I have put forth, sacrificed and made possible for him were all a waste and as disposable as a kleenex and it hurts.
It really fucking hurts.
I have to live in this house where everywhere I look it is a combonation of us. Things that are all mingled together and tell a story of two lives intertwined and there are representations of love within it all.
and he walks around emotionless except to be angry at me.
I don't fucking get it and I don't deserve this pain he has given me.
Today is not a good day because my tears still haven't dried up. Today is not a good day because my heart is still missing.
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